i love accidental penises.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
