woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
