Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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