the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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