they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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