Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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