Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
