Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
