They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
