Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Help. Why am I so naked?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
