dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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