May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
