Cold hands, warm shart.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
