Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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