you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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