I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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