Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
