she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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