I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
