I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
