If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
