Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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