my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
