That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I want to be your penis for a week.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
