Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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