Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Randomize
