mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
