im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
