dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
