I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My sheets look like a crime scene.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
