So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
