I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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