theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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