remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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