just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Be still, my beating vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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