I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
