It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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