so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
