every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
