you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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