I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
