So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
