I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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