Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
50% drunk capacity currently
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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