i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
