We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
