I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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