Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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