I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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