My sheets look like a crime scene.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
