Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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