I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
