you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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