Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
